11/19/20 @ 8:43pm

During my workout earlier, the main thought that gave me enough motivation to finish a rep or complete a set was of Atty with someone else. I pictured her and some asshole holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even fucking. It scared me, pissed me off, and a little bit sad. My mind cannot tolerate the thought of her with someone else.

Even though I find this possibility unlikely, it is still a possibility, which still hurts.

This break has actually been enjoyable for the most part so far. I have been improving myself by going to the gym and doing well on my schoolwork. What I do not like about it is the fact that Atty and I are not committed to each other. If that was the only thing that changed about this, I would be satisfied. We don’t have to text, FaceTime, DM, Snapchat, etc. everyday but I want top know that she is still 100% committed to me and I want her to know that I am 100% committed to her.

I just want her back.

I miss her so much.

I can’t wait to see her.

I have not cried in a couple days but I may tonight.

I’m so scared of losing her forever.

I want her. For the rest of my life. And I want her to want me for the rest of her life.

I just want her to be happy.

I love you, Atty.

From, Lance